As He Is

"I've just seen a face to give me hope."

Every night I read one scripture about the Savior and then choose one word or phrase about Him to write down on my calendar. At first the phrases I wrote down were pretty common descriptions of Christ, but over the last few months I've expanded my vocabulary of words to describe Him. I started with words like perfect, advocate, glory, holy, and God. In recent weeks I've found phrases like "I give", "gazing up", and "speak with my voice". These are phrases that make me think. What does He give? Why is He gazing up? Who is speaking with His voice? And how do all those things work into my life?

It's been especially interesting to study Jesus this way, because for the past year I have written one word or phrase on my calendar to describe my day. So each day I have one thing to remember about my life, and one thing to ponder about Christ's life. And sometimes they line up in interesting ways. I think the funniest coincidence I found was when I wrote "the heat of the day" as a description for a moment in Jesus' life, and then exactly one week later wrote "the heat of the day" to remind me of a 4 mile walk through the desert on a backpacking trip. It's that sort of thing that makes me pay attention. Does it mean anything? Maybe. Probably not. But because I'm looking for patterns, listening for clues, and mentally searching for answers, I find things that I can't call coincidence. 

July 12th was a Sunday. I think we can all agree it's been an interesting summer. I've found myself wandering through life with more questions and less answers. Left alone with my thoughts I've doubted my path and my purpose. And Sunday's are the day I doubt the most. They're the days I remember that I've got a work week ahead of me. And when things are really rough, I wonder if the 40 hours I spend working really make a difference in the world. I work with t-shirts! In a world as crazy as this one, what good is a t-shirt? I went to sleep that night with questions. Lots and lots of questions. The last thing I read before I went to sleep was a scripture written from the perspective of the Savior. It said, "I will speak with mine own voice." As I fell asleep I remember asking, "Can't you do that now? Won't you come and speak to me with your voice? A voice I'll recognize. A voice I'll trust. A voice I'll understand?" It was a bit of a vain wish. No heavenly being spoke to me in a dream ;) I woke up the next morning with no more answers than I'd had the night before.

July 13th was a pretty ordinary Monday. I washed lettuce, sold some t-shirts, and cleaned my apartment. But throughout the day I kept repeating the words, "speak with my voice" in my mind. Still no answers. The scripture that night caught me off guard. Doctrine and Covenants 130:1 - "When the Savior shall appear we shall see Him as He is." Coupled with the thought that "I will speak with mine own voice." There will be a day when we shall see Him and hear Him as He is. And I can hardly wait for that day. 

But there's more. There's always more. Even though I don't hear Him as He is right now, I do still hear Him. Remember, He didn't say He'd speak for the first time, or that we'd finally hear Him, it just said we'd finally hear Him as He is. That means He's talking. He's talking now. He was talking yesterday, and He'll be talking tomorrow. It just won't be with His voice. So who's voice will it be? Who will be speaking the word's of Christ to me today? And will I recognize Him, even if it's not His voice?

On July 12th, He spoke through my bishop. On July 21st, He spoke through my dad. On July 23rd, I saw Him in the guy whose car I ran into. (Oops ;). I've even found Him in the words I speak to myself. I've been looking for my next goal. The next thing I want to achieve. A dream. And I was talking to myself while picking blackberries. The words I spoke were a confirmation that the direction I'm heading is the right one. It's not His voice (hopefully melodious) and it's not His face (apparently plain), but it is Him. Every day. In the words on my calendar. The lyrics to a favorite song. Answers abound if you pay attention. If you listen for the words that come from Him, no matter the voice, no matter the face. He's everywhere. Absolutely everywhere!

And the more I listen the more I see Him. I see Him as He is. The kind, loving, "big brother" and best friend. The powerful yet gentle, precious and humble man of God. Can you see Him? Can you hear Him? I can.