I Am Not a Side Walker

If you had told me four years ago, that my weird habit of picking up random pennies and metal paraphernalia would eventually be the reason I met my fiancé...well...I don't know what I would have done, but I doubt I would have believed you. 

Yet here I am, almost exactly four years later, and it's true. My obsession with pennies and paperclips is directly responsible for the fact that I'm getting married to the most wonderful man (forgive me for sounding obsessed ;) this fall. 

How? 

I think it really started the day I realized a very important truth--I am not a side walker. 

There are people in this world who follow the traditional, socially acceptable rules of behavior. I'm talking about the sort of people who walk on sidewalks and maybe even go so far as to avoid stepping on any cracks in the sidewalk. You know, the considerate people who don't want to break their mother's back and avoid annoying drivers by staying off the road whenever possible. That sort of kind, well-bred individual. 

I am not that person. Nope! Not at all. 

I am definitely a road-walker. I avoid sidewalks whenever possible. The socially normal reason why I avoid sidewalks is because they feel constricting (they also don't really allow two people to walk side-by-side comfortably). However, the real reason why I am not a side walker is because I rarely find anything metal on the side walk. On a very rare occasion I have found a penny or paperclip, but for the most part, metal collectibles are found on the side of the road. Pennies love to work their way into gutters, washers and bolts enjoy that gravelly two feet of space just next to the gutter, nails and screws seem particularly fond of crosswalks, and all the rest of what I've found tends to float somewhere in-between. Thus the vast majority of my (now vast) collection has come from the side of a road. So I don't walk on side walks. It's a matter of principle. And pride. And practicality. 

For at least a year, maybe two, I pretty much refused to walk on a sidewalk. I was determined to find as many bits of metal as I could so I would only use the sidewalk when I was on extremely busy roads (like the freeway ;) or when I was walking with someone who, for someone unexplainable reason, was a very devout side walker. 

Until one day when I was walking jauntily along the road and had the distinct thought to take the sidewalk. I initially rejected the thought, for good reason. The place I was walking only had sidewalk on one side of the road, and it wasn't the side of the road I needed to take. It was going to add extra time to my walk and make me cross the road twice! And besides, pennies aren't found on the sidewalk and I couldn't see the road well enough from the sidewalk to be sure I wouldn't miss a washer. But the annoying thought wouldn't go away. For some reason I needed to take the sidewalk and eventually I gave in, crossed the road, and took the sidewalk. 

I followed that sidewalk around a curve in the road and rolled my eyes when I discovered that the sidewalk ended a few hundred feet from where I'd gotten on it. Seriously! What was the point of taking the sidewalk? After mentally scolding whichever angel had "messed up" the impression I thought I'd had, I stepped off the sidewalk and back onto the side of the road. A few steps later I stopped and apologized to the angels. 

Directly in front of me was a quarter. It was the first quarter I had ever found on the road. It is the only quarter I have ever found. And if I hadn't followed the sidewalk to where the sidewalk ends I would never have seen it. 

Ever since, penny collection and walking has taken on a new purpose in my life. I started turning my walks into exercises. I mean, theoretically walking is the best exercise, but I started using my walks to practice exercises in inspiration. 

At every crossroad I would ask God, "Should I cross here? Or stay on this side of the road?" 

Every so often I would ask, "Should I walk on the road or get on the sidewalk?"

Whenever I reached a fork in the road I would ask, "Which way?"

When I started doing this I assumed that God would occasionally have an answer for me but most of the time I would be choosing my own way. 

I was wrong. 

There has never been a time when God didn't have a specific answer for me. And by specific I mean He literally catered His answers to my day and walk. It became especially obvious when I started walking to church every week. You would think that I would follow the same route to church. After all, there aren't that many ways to get there. But whenever I started my walk and reached the first crossroad I would ask my questions and get an answer like, "Cross later, walk on the road, and take the second right ahead." Then the next week the answer would be, "Cross now, take the side walk, and take the second right but don't cross the road to pet the horses." Or a week when He had me weaving my way between the road and sidewalk. At every crossroad I would switch whether I was on the road or sidewalk. That was an interesting walk. 

Hopefully at this point in my story you're asking, "How did you know it was God talking?"

I know I was asking that question a lot at first. How did I know? It wasn't like I could see an angel face to face. I didn't get warm and fuzzy feelings in my heart telling me it was the right way to go. The truth is that I was just responding to thoughts in my head. I would reach a crossroad and think, "I shouldn't cross here." Or I'd be about to take the road and think, "I need to walk on the sidewalk today." A lot of the time the answers made no logical sense at all. There was no reason why it should matter. The roads I was walking were quiet enough that my safety was not a concern. It felt very arbitrary and random. 

The only reason I knew it was God, not just me thinking weird thoughts, is that whenever I would try and ignore the thought and just walk on the road like normal, I felt a distinct resistance to that action. As if I was rejecting the advise of a trusted friend or parent (because I was). So I would take the sidewalk or cross the street or take the recommended turn. And maybe I would still think it was all in my head if not for the fact that every single time I listen to those thoughts I find a treasure--a penny, dime, washer, chess piece, or paperclip--that I would not have found if I'd gone a different way. 

Which is why it comes as no surprise that when I started having thoughts in other areas of my life I started finding treasures everywhere.

Call this person. "Why? They're busy! I have nothing to say. Fine! I'll call them."

And they needed it, or I needed it, and I treasure that conversation. 

Give a quilt to that stranger. "What? It's a huge gift to give someone I don't know! They're going to think I'm so weird."

And then I do and for reasons beyond my comprehension that gift changed a life. 

Sometimes I would have my day planned out perfectly with a logical order to what I was doing and God would say, "Um...no. It's time to run that errand you've been putting off." So I do, and great things happen. Different things from what I was planning, but great things. 

I've been practicing my exercises in inspiration for over two years. I still ignore the inspiration sometimes, like when God tells me to put X object away and I don't and then I trip on it or it breaks (yay!). But I have gotten very familiar with how God's thoughts feel in my head. I know when it's Him. I would say I also know when it's just me, but the truth is that He's guiding my thoughts so often that the only time it's "just me" is when I'm trying to explain to God why His idea doesn't make sense. That argument never goes well. ;)

So on June 5, when I had the random thought to login to my online dating app (which I'd not touched in months), and then came across a profile and had the thought that "If you swipe up on this profile, something is going to happen," I knew it was God. Thanks to the years I'd spent using inspiration to hunt pennies I knew without a doubt that if I took this crossroad I'd end up somewhere I'd never imagined. Let me tell you, I wasn't imagining marriage. 

It's interesting to write this post because I know that while many of the people who read this blog smile at and respectfully indulge my love of pennies, they do not have the same connection between pennies, God, and inspiration that I do. So, at the end of this post, what's the takeaway for someone who isn't out looking for pennies and probably won't go looking for pennies?

Just remember there has never been a time when God didn't have a specific answer. Even about the littlest, seemingly ridiculous, things. 

Remember you can ask Him anything and expect a response. 

Remember to trust your thoughts. Even the ones that make you look a little crazy. 

Remember to actively participate in your life. Don't be a side walker watching life pass by, idly waiting for something to happen. 

Remember to trust God with your direction. Don't be a road walker trying to force things to go a certain way, focusing so much on the pennies that you aren't listening when God's trying to send you quarters. 

I have realized an important truth. 

I am not a side walker. I am not a road walker. 

I am a with God walker.